Me fail English? That’s unpossible.
Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.
A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.
And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.
What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!”
- Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition.
- A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.
- You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity.
Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.
Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about! “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion.
- Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems.
- A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.
- Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!”
Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico? I didn’t get rich by signing checks. Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.
Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer? We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency.
Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.
A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice. I hope I didn’t brain my damage. And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
Jesus must be spinning in his grave! I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children.
Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” Human contact: the final frontier. You don’t win friends with salad. Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO! Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.
Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot. Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico? Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.
Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?! I didn’t get rich by signing checks. Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Ahoy hoy? But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life. What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city!
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